I'm Married to a Man but Fantasize About My Female Coworker | Ask the Rev. | Seven Days | Vermont's Independent Voice

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I'm Married to a Man but Fantasize About My Female Coworker


Published July 31, 2019 at 10:00 a.m.
Updated August 2, 2019 at 5:09 p.m.


Dear Reverend,

I've been married to a man for 10 years but often fantasize about my female coworker. I definitely feel something between us. Recently she asked me to go on a trip with her that would require us to sleep in the same room. She recommended it as a way to save money. Do you think she's trying to make a move on me? Should I go? What do I tell my husband? Why is this freaking me out?

Coworker Conundrum (female, 36)

Dear Coworker Conundrum, 

I think you've worked yourself up into a bit of a frenzy. Step away from the fantasy for a minute, and try to look at the situation with a clear head. Are you sure there's sexual tension between you and this coworker, or might you be projecting your feelings onto her? Do you know if she's even into women? Maybe she really does just want to share a room to save some cash.

Is this a work-related trip that you have to go on? If the thought of sharing a room makes you uncomfortable, don't be afraid to tell her that you need your own space. If it would make you feel better to have a cover story, say that you snore like an old man or sleep-fart incessantly. That ought to nip the idea in the bud.

Let's say she does want to put the moves on you. Would you really want to bring your fantasy into actuality? How would that affect your work relationship with her? Would your husband be cool with it? If you had to keep it a secret from him, how would that make you feel?

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: I'm a big fan of honesty in a relationship. I think you should tell your husband about your fantasy. If he's like most male members of the human species that I've ever met, he'll think it's pretty hot. That will likely add some steam to your real-world sex life, which should help get you unspun from your friend fantasy frenzy.

Good luck and God bless,

The Reverend

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