I'm Dating an Ex, but His Ex Moved In and Won't Leave | Ask the Rev. | Seven Days | Vermont's Independent Voice

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I'm Dating an Ex, but His Ex Moved In and Won't Leave

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Published February 23, 2022 at 10:00 a.m.
Updated February 23, 2022 at 10:52 a.m.


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Dear Reverend,

I was in a long-term relationship, and we were truly in love — but family, financial and emotional stress took its toll, and we broke up. We recently started seeing each other again and have been enjoying each other's company.

He contacted an old girlfriend to assist with some business-related projects, and she moved into his house. She has been living there for six months, free of charge, and the projects are not moving forward. Each time I mention her departure, he goes into a rage and tells me never to come back.

I have financially supported this person and truly had feelings for him. He wants to go to mediation; I want her to leave. Any suggestions? I need a reality check.

P.S. I found her underwear in his bedroom, but he said nothing happened.

Theresa Croud (female, 66)

Dear Theresa Croud,

I'm a hopeless optimist and try to think the best of every person and situation, but there's a lot going on here. A partner working with an old flame can certainly cause (often unfounded) jealousy. But when the old flame moves into your partner's house and doesn't pay rent, that's another story. Finding her panties in his bedroom adds cherries jubilee on top of the flaming hot mess.

If that were all, I still could — maybe — give him the benefit of the doubt: Perhaps he was just helping out an old friend with a place to stay and their laundry got mixed up. But the thing that really bothers me is that "he goes into a rage" when you ask about her leaving and tells you to take off. That's absolutely not OK.

Here's your reality check: This guy is a jerk who doesn't care about your feelings. I bet he's mostly concerned with mediating your continued financial support. You broke up once; you can do it again. And, for the love of all that is holy, don't think that the third time will be the charm. You deserve better.

Good luck and God bless,

The Reverend

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