I'm 69. Can I Wear a Thong to the Beach? | Ask the Rev. | Seven Days | Vermont's Independent Voice

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I'm 69. Can I Wear a Thong to the Beach?


Published July 28, 2021 at 10:00 a.m.


Dear Reverend,

I love going to the beach. I'm 69 years old, and I would like to wear a thong. I don't want to scare anyone off, but I feel like what I wear for swimming is my business. Do you think I'm too old?

Seymour Butz (male, 69)

Dear Seymour,

Honeybuns, if you're comfortable wearing a thong in public, I say go for it. Last time I checked, there were no age restrictions on bathing attire. Heck, in Vermont, it's legal to leave your house naked if you like, so I see no problem with showing a little cheek on the beach. So what if those cheeks have a few wrinkles?

In this age of body positivity, a wider range of shapes, colors, ages and sizes is being represented in film, television, ads and social media. The initial push for showing more diversity was geared toward women, but the powers that be have finally realized that men also suffer from body image issues, and more guys are getting in on the act. Hopefully, more visibility of real human bodies will have a positive effect on the general public's attitude about beauty.

The fact that you've made it to 69 is cause for celebration. You're not dead, and life's too damn short to worry about what other people think. So, get out there and sun those buns! But, please, don't forget to slather them with sunscreen first. If anybody gives you grief about your outfit, tell them to go pound sand.

Good luck and God bless,

The Reverend

Reverend's note: If you haven't heard of half thongs for men, do yourself a favor and give that a google. You'll thank me.

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