I'm 62, Lonely and Looking for Companionship, Not Sex | Ask the Rev. | Seven Days | Vermont's Independent Voice

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I'm 62, Lonely and Looking for Companionship, Not Sex


Published August 31, 2022 at 10:00 a.m.

  • ID 137213803 © Spideyspike32 | Dreamstime

Dear Reverend,

I'm a 62-year-old single woman, and I'm lonely. I never thought I would be alone in my later life, but here I am. I've never had any trouble attracting men, so I know that if I hit the dating circuit, I could find a match. The problem is, I have no sex drive anymore due to a past medical issue. I have no thoughts about sex at all, but I miss having a partner to do things with. I miss holding hands and feeling close to a man. I have good friends who are male, and that helps. But the single ones are looking to get laid, so I try not to cramp their style by hanging around too much. I thought about online dating, but most of the men's profiles are clear about wanting sex. Any advice is welcome.

Nola Beedo (female, 62)

Dear Nola Beedo,

I like to think that there's someone out there for everybody, and I'm not fond of stereotypes. Just as not all women love shopping, not all men are only looking for sex. There's a pod for every pea, but you have to get in the garden to find yours.

Browsing online dating sites is great, but it would be more productive to create your own profile so you can spell out exactly what you're looking for. Write that you don't want a sexual relationship but might be open to that possibility in the future, because your situation could change.

I don't know what your past medical issue was, but have you discussed your diminished drive with your doctor? If you've raised the question but haven't gotten any help, you may need to find a different physician. If a medication is to blame, perhaps it can be changed or the dosage adjusted. If pain is the problem, maybe physical therapy could help.

You may have lost your groove, but you shouldn't give up hope for getting it back.

Good luck and God bless,

The Reverend

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