I Just Remembered I Made a Sex Tape With an Ex, and I'm Freaking Out | Ask the Rev. | Seven Days | Vermont's Independent Voice

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I Just Remembered I Made a Sex Tape With an Ex, and I'm Freaking Out

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DREAMSTIME
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Dear Reverend,

I just had a panic attack when I remembered that I made a really raunchy video with an ex way back when — so long ago it was on a VHS tape. I'm not sure what happened to it, and I'd really like to find it. I think it's either in my basement, mixed up with old family movies, or he has it. Now I'm freaking out, and I don't know what to do.

Porn-oh-no (female, 49)

Dear Porn-oh-no,

If your old sex tape hasn't come back to haunt you thus far, and you're not planning to run for president in 2024, I'd say you don't have much to worry about. Besides, it's on a VHS tape. When was the last time you saw a device that could play one of those things? However, if the thought of it being out there is really bothersome, you might as well try to track it down.

Have you kept in touch with your ex? If you're still friendly, and it wouldn't be too weird, you could give him a jingle and approach the subject with a little humor. He may tell you that he ditched it years ago, and your mind will be put at ease — if you trust him, that is.

Alternatively, you could track down an old VCR from a friend or Craigslist to fire up and go through all the tapes in your basement. Old VCRs can usually be hooked up to newer televisions with the right cable and a little googling.

A quicker route would be to digitize your videos. You can buy equipment to do it yourself, but if you don't have a million tapes, it may be easier and more cost-effective to send them out. A lot of businesses digitize old video formats — even Costco does it. The going rate is about $20 per tape, with discounts for quantity. It seems that most won't do obscene material (although memoryfortress.com does process adult content). Why not send out the tapes and see what happens?

Even if you don't track down your blue movie, it would be a fun pandemic project to preserve the G-rated gems in your collection.

Good luck and God bless,

The Reverend

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