I Don't Like Foreplay But My Guy Does | Ask Athena | Seven Days | Vermont's Independent Voice

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I Don't Like Foreplay But My Guy Does


Dear Athena,

I don't like foreplay. I just want to get right into sex. I feel like that's weird since I'm a girl. But straight-up sex is what I want. Just the idea of sex with someone I'm with gets me hot. And I don't like kissing. The man I am dating now seems to want to do more than just have sex. He wants to make out and get blow jobs, and he also likes PDA and I really don't. How do I make it last with this guy?


Cut to the Sex

Dear Cut,

Did I miss something in sex ed about gender influencing your sexual likes and dislikes? Because last time I checked, cutting straight to sex wasn't exclusively a guy thing. Gender doesn't determine how you like it between the sheets. To each his or her own!

You sound sure of yourself — power to you. For most, the clarity you possess takes a long time to attain and articulate. You want to know how to make it last with this fella? It's not going to be by only doing things your way. That's not to say you should do anything that makes you uncomfortable — if you're ever feeling forced into something, get out of that situation as quickly as you can. But reaching a middle ground and finding ways to explore your sexual experience with your partner can lead to better sex and more pleasure for you both.

Worst-case scenario: You revisit your stance on blow jobs, and it kills your mojo. So, then you move on to someone who — like you — is keen on skipping the appetizer. Best-case scenario: You meet your man halfway by instigating a little make-out sesh or holding his hand at the movies. And voilà! His gratitude is expressed by an influx of good romps. That's a win-win.

Relationships thrive on a give-and-take approach. The more you give in love, the more room you make to receive.