- ID 133916001 © Valeriy Kachaev | Dreamstime
I have a friend whom I've known for about 25 years. She has a lot of issues that have always been in the background, but she's turning into a big tornado of trouble. I'm coming to the realization that I just can't deal with the drama anymore. I feel like I should end the friendship, but there's so much time invested. Do I have an intervention? Do I write her a letter? Or do I just give up?
Twister Sister (female, 45)
Dear Twister Sister,
Just because you've known someone for a long time doesn't mean you have to put up with their bullshit. Couples that have been married for decades get divorced all the time. Sometimes old friends have to split up, too.
A friendship should lift you up, not drag you down, and constantly being lured into someone else's drama can be incredibly draining. A friend of mine had the perfect term for people who do that sort of thing: energy-sucking vampires.
You need to weigh the good and bad aspects of this relationship. If you decide to end it, you owe it to yourself and your friend not to just ghost her. You should let her know the reasons you can't be friends anymore. If you don't think you can get everything out in person, write it all down in a letter. If you want to keep the friendship, you need to establish some firm boundaries going forward (and always keep garlic handy).
If you have other pals who feel the same way, you could hold an intervention. Let's call it a "friendtervention." Get everybody together and let her know how her behavior has been affecting you. I can pretty much guarantee that it will be super uncomfortable, but if your "trouble tornado" realizes that she's seriously at risk of losing friends, maybe she'll snap out of it — or at least learn to keep her drama to herself.
Good luck and God bless,