How does a woman at the sagely age of 70 respond to male advances when the intention is "just for fun," one-time-only sex? My reputation (and theirs) in my rural Vermont community and STDs are my concerns. Sex to me is sacred. How do I say "Non, merci" and not get mocked? Am I being old-fashioned?
Seventy and Simmering (female, 70)
Dear Seventy and Simmering,
Casual sex is fine and dandy if you're into it, but it's also totally OK if it's not your cup of tea. You have no reason to worry that you're old-fashioned or deserve mocking. Any man who tries to make you feel badly about turning down his advances is the one who ought to be ashamed. I'd like to think most people would agree with me.
If you're hanging out with a fella and he seems to be headed toward the hot-and-heavy, simply let him know you aren't going there. Be honest and tell him that you don't have sex just for kicks and that you need to care about the person with whom you're intimate. If he doesn't want to see you again because of that, it's his loss — and a great way to weed out losers who aren't worth your time.
When you do meet a like-minded individual and feel comfortable taking it to the next level, be sure to practice the standard precautions for STDs (testing, condoms). And if he's the sort of man who takes things slow, he's not likely to be loose-lipped about what goes on in the bedroom. So your reputation should remain intact.
I know people nearly half your age who aren't getting any action, especially during the pandemic. They might just want to hit you up for advice.
Good luck and God bless,