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Ask Athena: How Do I Get My Wife to Want Me Again?


Published November 1, 2017 at 10:00 a.m.

Dear Athena,

How do I get my wife to break away from the daily grind and want to want me again? Seems like all she is interested in anymore is the task at hand — however, I'm not the task. I'm 31; she's 36.


Need More

Dear Need More,

Have you wooed your wife lately? When was the last time you asked her out and planned a proper date? The last time you told her you think she's sexy and wonderful and smart? The last time you left her a love note? The last time you asked her how you could make her life easier or take something off her plate? Have you told her that you want more, that you miss her — even though she sleeps right next to you?

If you haven't done any of this — start! It's possible she doesn't even know how you're feeling. And you know that old saying, treat others as you wish to be treated? If you want more attention, give her more attention. Your attitude will begin to rub off on her.

Also, take a sec to consider what she may be going through. You say she's preoccupied by daily demands. Is she under pressure at work? Is she getting along with the rest of her family? Does she have any time for fun? Her world doesn't — and shouldn't — revolve around you. If it did, that would make for a codependent relationship doomed to fail. If she's overloaded, support her — and know that some space between the two of you is healthy. It gives you both room to grow.

One last thing: What does your age difference have to do with this? Does her being (just slightly) older mean you think she's past her prime or lost her touch? She's always been older than you — why is this relevant now? Work it out, pal. Age is one factor that ain't gonna change — like, ever.