How Do I Get My Partner to Talk About Her Sex Life? | Ask Athena | Seven Days | Vermont's Independent Voice

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How Do I Get My Partner to Talk About Her Sex Life?


Published November 23, 2016 at 10:00 a.m.
Updated November 29, 2016 at 12:14 p.m.

Dear Athena,

My partner and I have great sex (we've been together for 10 years). What turns me on is her telling me about her past experiences, which she has reluctantly done. I would like to hear more stories. When asked, she says she is not good at storytelling. How can I convince her the stories are great and turn me on? How can I make her more comfortable with the process? Not trying to expose any specific people. Thanks for any info.


Bedtime Stories

Dear Bedtime,

Thanksgiving is fast approaching. In spite of — or perhaps because of — all the sad, scary things going on in the world right now, I'm trying my best to note the things for which I am grateful. And I'm grateful for this question. I hear a lot of love and appreciation for your other half in it, and it's the breath of fresh air I needed today. Thank you.

It sounds like your partner is a little shy of being the center of attention. Maybe she feels pressured to make her stories over-the-top racy. The solution to her performance anxiety? Relaxation. Make sure she feels super comfortable whenever you'd like her to start dishing out these sexy old deets.

Next time you're in a relaxed setting — a lazy morning in bed, maybe, or sitting close together in a dark bar — gently ask her questions about these past encounters. Tell her when her answers get you revved up. Encourage the simplest of details, and reassure her that it doesn't take much to make you want her — you love her, and her openness turns you on.

You must consider, too, that she may not want to be an open book. She has every right to keep her memories to herself. If that's the case, invite her to make up scenarios or share fantasies. And share yours, too — an exchange is a lot more appealing than being put on the spot. It might even lead to role-playing, which is fun!

One more thought: Try responding to her sex talk with an exciting oral presentation of your own. Next time she's "storytelling," go down on her — if she's into that, of course. It might just provide incentive for repeat performances. And remember, there's nothing wrong with reruns every now and then!