How Can We Find Time for Sex? | Ask Athena | Seven Days | Vermont's Independent Voice

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How Can We Find Time for Sex?


Published August 24, 2016 at 10:00 a.m.
Updated August 24, 2016 at 5:55 p.m.

Dear Athena,

About two months ago I helped my partner move out of their abusive parent's house and in with me. However, because I'm still in college and working only part time, I still live with my dad. Luckily, he adores my partner and has been both financially and emotionally supportive of both of us. Things are working out marvelously, and everyone's really happy.

However, we haven't had sex in nearly a month. My partner is working full time now; my job, despite being only part time, is strenuous and exhausting. When we get home, we're not only tired, but my dad is usually there. Both of us would love to have more sex, but we usually like an hour, and finding a time slot when we're both free, energized and alone is rare. Is this just something we'll have to deal with for a while, or can we somehow manage time better?


Missing Sexy Times

Dear Missing,

A serious relationship isn't always a walk in the park. It takes effort, time, sacrifice and patience to make it work. The payoff is having someone who really knows you and is there for you through good times and bad.

You already know about sacrifice. And you accelerated the relationship by inviting your partner to move in with you — with your dad, no less! I'm glad it's working for you all. It sounds like there's good chemistry and mutual love.

But hear this: "Too tired" isn't going to cut it anymore. Before you give in to your pillow or the remote, hop into bed for a quick make-out sesh and see where it leads. You want an hour? Try getting up earlier for morning sex. (Bed head, anyone?) If that's not feasible, lose your notions about how long lovemaking should take and challenge yourself to fit in some quickies. You imply that Dad's presence is prohibitive. Must I remind you that clandestine hanky-panky is hot?

But there's no need to stay at home. Do you have a car? Why not go for a drive, find a secluded place to park and get frisky in the backseat? Got a tent? Go "camping."

However, don't box yourself in to the "Where can we get busy without getting caught?" game. Just because you're living together doesn't mean you can't go on dates. Heck, once in a while you might splurge and spend the night out of town — in a hotel!

Even little bits of intimacy will keep you two connected. Making sexy time fun and adventurous will keep both of you coming back for more.