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Ask Athena: How Can I Tell If My Wife Has Cheated?


Published September 13, 2017 at 10:00 a.m.
Updated September 13, 2017 at 3:38 p.m.

Dear Athena,

How can I tell if my wife has had sex with someone else? In the past few months, she has changed. She shaved herself down there and talks about dirty sex stuff in ways I'm not used to. What do I do? What is going on with her?


Seriously Suspicious

Dear Seriously,

Want to know what's going on with your wife? Ask her. Seriously!

You know her well, don't you? She's your wife, after all. You've planned to be together forever. So what's stopping you from addressing her unusual behavior? The longer you wait to share your concerns, the more your suspicions will grow.

Whether she's been unfaithful or not, it's clear you're feeling disconnected from her. Is it just her new 'do "down there" that alarms you? How dirty is this "dirty" talk? Is it possible that she's just trying to spice things up with you?

Maybe she's been exploring parts of herself that she's ready to reveal to you. I know the prospect of her changing might be hard. But your decision to grow old together doesn't preclude personal growth along the way. In fact, change is the only constant in this world, and it's wise to welcome it with an open mind.

But maybe there are other indicators that she's been sneaking around with someone else. Is she avoiding you? Are you two still having sex? Is she going out more often?

You'll only get to the bottom of this by going straight to the source. Tell her you've noticed some changes and you're not sure what they mean. And tell her you love her. That's always a good way to start.