Hops to Trot | Mistress Maeve | Seven Days | Vermont's Independent Voice

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Hops to Trot

Mistress Maeve: Your guide to love and lust...


Published August 15, 2012 at 10:37 a.m.

Dear Mistress,

I’m something of a beer connoisseur and I like to go out and enjoy all the fine microbrews Vermont has to offer. The problem is that my sex life pays the price. I can have one or two beers and still get it up (and keep it up) for sex with my girlfriend. However, after a night of really partying, I can’t stay hard, no matter how much we both want it. It’s starting to have an effect on our relationship. I can tell I’m disappointing her, and yet we keep going out drinking and perpetuating the same issue.

I’ve heard tequila is a stimulant like caffeine — will that help? I would hate to give up the beer, but I’m open to any solutions.



Dear Hops,

You, my beer-loving friend, are experiencing what they call “whiskey dick.” Too much alcohol of any kind can depress the body’s systems and numb nerve endings, making a hard-on hard to come by. While the popular belief is that tequila is an upper (probably because of its reputation for making people act a fool), it’s actually a nervous-system depressant, just like beer.

Why not have sex before hitting the town? Your stiffy won’t be stifled by alcohol, and you’ll spend the rest of the night enjoying the lingering effects of lovemaking. On nights when an early romp in the sheets isn’t possible, you’ll simply have to choose: Do you want to drink to the point where your penis won’t function, or would you prefer to get your rocks off? Loop your girlfriend into the conversation, too. Let her know that sexual performance is important to you, and you’d like to work intimacy into your schedule when alcohol isn’t on the menu.

Remember, heavy drinking over a long period of time can contribute to more serious erectile dysfunction issues (and other health complications). If you think you might have a problem with alcohol, talk to a trusted friend and consider chatting with your doctor. It’s great to love Vermont brew, but if it’s not loving you back, it might be time to sever that relationship.