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Her Little Helper

Mistress Maeve


Published January 16, 2008 at 12:25 p.m.

Dear Mistress Maeve,

I'm a 23-year-old male, and I have been with my fiancée for almost two years. When we have sex, I have no problem getting off, but she needs me to use a vibrator on her in order to have an orgasm. Sometimes she doesn't even want me to do it, and I just lie there next to her like a limp fish and wait for her to get off.

I feel resentful that she needs two AA batteries to have an orgasm instead of me. I try to use my hands and tongue, but nothing seems to satisfy like her vibrator. I want her to be happy, but I'm starting to get pissed off every time we have sex, and I know I have to do something about it.


Captain Inadequate

Dear Captain,

It's not the vibrator that's bothering you - it's the lack of connection you feel when she slides 6 inches of battery-powered love between her thighs instead of you.

I can't speak to why your fiancée prefers to get herself off, but I have talked to lots of women who feel guilty if it takes them "too long" to orgasm. Instead of "burdening" their partners with the task, they prefer to have self-induced, stress-free orgasms. Unfortunately, this can often lead to their partners' feeling left out, as you do now.

Luckily, there is a solution. You do not have to lie there like a limp fish. Have you ever tried using your hands or tongue while she's using her vibrator? How about whispering naughty things to her while she's getting herself off? If you can "insert" yourself without actually inserting yourself, you will create more comfort and intimacy - which could lead to her casting you as the leading man in future orgasms, rather than the stand-in.

Also, tell her how you're feeling. Let her know that you care about her pleasure and that you're willing to do whatever it takes to get her off. Just remember - if, on occasion, your fiancée wants to get herself off after sex, don't freak out. Sometimes a girl just knows when it's a D.I.Y. job.

Your first mate,