He Is Not All That I Am | Kids VT | Seven Days | Vermont's Independent Voice

He Is Not All That I Am

Home Front: Diaries From a Vermont Military Family


  • Photo by Luann Bailey Photography of Burlington, VT

With my husband, Matt, deployed, it seems I think and talk about him more than ever. I'm beginning to feel like a broken record. I thought to myself today, "He is not all that I am."

Would the fierce, strong females who fought for women's rights be ashamed of me, pining for the man I love so pathetically? Would they think it weak of me to long for him to come home simply to fill the car with gas? I really hate that job. And he does it so well.

After 12 years as a stay-at-home mom and 14 years as a doting wife, it's easy to let my life become all about everyone else. I have many hopes and dreams, things I'd like to do for myself on my own. One of them is taking my writing up a notch. Writing in this space is certainly a great start — yet here I am, writing about him. How ironic is that?!

I love to share recipes on my personal blog. Cooking and baking are passions of mine. Most things I cook these days are kid-friendly. It's where I'm at in my life. But one day, I'd really love to cook something grown-up that makes the kids want to gag.

Still, I love my husband and children dearly, and honestly feel I have the best job in the world. I love my life. Matt is not all that I am — and yet, he's everything to me. It's a weird and delicate balance, this marriage thing. It's about loving someone so much that it hurts when they are away. It's about telling everyone who will listen about it. And it's about finding that part of yourself that belongs only to you ... and treating it with the same love and care you show others.

Tasha Lehman
  • Tasha Lehman

Tasha Lehman is a mother of three boys living in Vermont. Her husband, Matt, is a first lieutenant in the Vermont Air National Guard who recently headed overseas for his first deployment. The “Home Front: Diaries from a Vermont military family” series chronicles their journey. Read more about their story in February’s “Use Your Words” essay.

This article was originally published in Seven Days' monthly parenting magazine, Kids VT.