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Giving Up on Girlington

Mistress Maeve: Your guide to love and lust...

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Dear Mistress,

Can you tell me where all the normal, single men in Burlington are hiding? Almost all of my girlfriends and I are perpetually single even though we’re pretty, intelligent, talented and passionate about life. We’ve all had nothing but a few bad dates by way of online dating, and most of us have gone out with the same few guys that have been on those sites for years. I’m starting to think that all of the men here fall into one of four categories:

1. Not available

2. 19-year-old undergrads

3. Gay

4. Excessively weird or undesirable

I’ve dated one man in the nearly six years that I’ve been here, and he was only in Vermont for one summer on a research fellowship. When the rare “normal guy” moves into town, he gets snapped up in a heartbeat by the lucky woman who happens to be in the right place at the right time. What’s a single woman in Burlington to do?

Signed,

Thinking of Giving Up

Dear Thinking,

Didn’t you get the memo? You live in Girlington — too many single ladies and not enough educated, gainfully employed lumberjacks and snowboarders to go around. Have you tried expanding your online searches to Montréal and Boston? An industrious friend of mine once suggested we create a Brooklyn-to-Burlington dating service because singles are so sparse in BTV.

If online dating isn’t working for you, ditch the mouse and leave the house. You’re lucky to have a gaggle of single gals to pal around with, so get tactical. Pick one night per week where you get together and do something completely different to meet new people. Volunteer at a large nonprofit event, take a mixed-gender workout class or attend an industry mixer. (Do you have any idea how many technology jobs are cropping up in Vermont? Forget about bringing your résumé to the next Vermont Tech Jam — just bring a card with your name and number to hand out to hot, brainy dudes!)

The quality of life in Vermont is outstanding, but it’s a trade-off — the singles scene is tough. Men won’t be flocking to you, so you’ve got to put in the effort. One last thing: Be careful of words like “normal” and “weird.” Your toad will be another girl’s Prince Charming. We all have our quirks, so let’s not judge, OK?

Ready to Mingle,

mm


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