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Girl Code Broken

Mistress Maeve: Your guide to love and lust...


Published January 9, 2013 at 11:42 a.m.

Dear Mistress,

I’ve been building a friendship with a woman for a couple years, and I thought we were close. On New Year’s Eve, we were at a party thrown by a guy I’m really into. My friend absolutely knows this and was actually coaching me all night about the best way to let him know how much I like him. A little after midnight, I couldn’t find my friend, or the guy, so I went looking for them — and found them all over each other in a bedroom. I was hurt and left the party. She sent a text the next morning saying she was sorry for breaking “girl code.” What does that even mean?!


Girl Code Red

Dear Girl Code Red,

To find the definition of “girl code,” you have to look online at Urban Dictionary. Why? Because no one over the age of 21 should be using it in a proper sentence. Your friend has some maturing to do. She didn’t break “girl code” — she broke your trust.

Two women vying for the affections of one man is the ultimate drama, especially if the two women are friends. Let’s give her the benefit of the doubt and say that she has genuine feelings for this guy. At the very least, she should have talked with you before the party and let you know that she was crushing on him, too. She should never, under any circumstances, have hooked up with him right under your nose. To add insult to injury, she was giving you advice about him mere moments before sliding lips. That’s just tacky.

At best, your friend made a horrible decision with no regard for your feelings; at worst, this behavior reveals that she is incapable of being a trusted friend. Set up a time to talk with her — face-to-face is best, but a phone call is OK (do not turn this into a text or email exchange). Let her know that her actions hurt you and have made you question your friendship. Listen to her response and pay attention to how it makes you feel. If you’re not sensing sincere remorse, it might be time to give your relationship a little space.