Here's the weekly astrological forecast for April 9-April 16, 2008. What's your sign, baby? They're all here.
ARIES (March 21-April 19): High-definition TV makes everything look more vivid than standard broadcast technology. Images are so high-quality they almost appear 3-D. While this is enjoyable to viewers, some performers are uncomfortable with the way it reveals their skin's imperfections. Did you know that Brad Pitt has acne scars? I predict a metaphorically similar development for you in the coming weeks, Aries. Every little thing you do will be more highly visible and have greater impact than before. Wherever you've been 2-D, you'll become 3-D. That could turn out really well for you if you take it as a challenge to fine-tune your commitment to excellence and integrity.
TAURUS(April 20-May 20): "When nothing is working very well," says astrologer Caroline Casey, "it might be a cosmic conspiracy to get you to experiment." Let's proceed as if that hypothesis were true, Taurus. Identify a place in your life where you're stuck, where everything you attempt meets with resistance, or where you don't have the motivation you'd like to feel. Then brainstorm about an experiment you could do that would break you out of the holding pattern. Proceed on the assumption that the universe will become friendlier and more helpful if you try an approach you've never used before.
GEMINI(May 21-June 20): What I hope you'll achieve in the coming days is a state of mind like that described by Dan Linton, one of my readers. This is his report. "Last night I went to Wal-Mart with a friend who was returning some tools. I walked around the store while he was at the service desk. In the shampoo aisle an unusual man who looked like an Aborigine made extended eye contact with me. As he walked past he announced in a happy tone, 'Your mind is empty.' I was super excited and found my friend to tell him. 'Isn't that an insult?' he asked. 'No,' I said. 'The guy meant that my mind is clear, which is true. This is the first time in two years I've felt that my mind is free of shrunken expectations, limiting concepts, and emotional distortions.'"
CANCER (June 21-July 22): Normally you're inclined to massage problems until they relax, not bash problems until they break. Your preference is to paint fuzzy, impressionistic pictures rather than creating crisp snapshots. Nevertheless, the astrological omens indicate that in the next two weeks, you should take an approach recommended by Winston Churchill: "If you have an important point to make, don't try to be subtle or clever. Use a pile driver. Hit the point once. Then come back and hit it again. Then hit it a third time - a tremendous whack."
LEO(July 23-Aug. 22): I hesitate to be so blunt, but the fact of the matter is that right now God is on your side. This is true even if you're an atheist. Simply put, the Divine Wow is listening to you more closely than She is to everyone else; She is more prone to slipping you little gifts than all of Her other children; She is plotting to reveal more useful inside information to you than She has in a long time. Here's a tip to ensure you'll get the maximum benefit out of your goodies: Use at least some of your fantastic luck to help people in need.
VIRGO(Aug. 23-Sept. 22): "On an average weekday," wrote Saul Bellow, "the New York Times contains more information than any contemporary of Shakespeare's would have acquired in a lifetime." But religious writer F. Forrester Church adds a caveat to that imposing thought. In his book Lifecraft: The Art of Meaning in the Everyday, he writes, "The Times is a fine paper. But for all its information, it only hints, and then only occasionally, at what Shakespeare knew so well: that the beauty of the bird, the symbol of the snake, the courage of the pilot, and the wonder of human love will always be touched with mystery." In accordance with your current omens, Virgo, I urge you to abstain from the New York Times' specialty and seek out Shakespeare-style soul food for thought. Love enigmas more than certainties.
LIBRA(Sept. 23-Oct. 22): "Where would the gardener be if there were no weeds?" asked ancient Chinese sage Chuang Tzu. To that I add: Where would lawyers be without crimes? How would psychotherapists fare without neurotics? What would critics do without the stuff they love to diss? Now let's apply this line of thinking to you, Libra. What thing that you dislike also happens to be something you need? What condition that you're opposed to is essential in constructing your identity? This is a good time to acknowledge the value of everything you oppose, disagree with, and fight against.
SCORPIO(Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Marie Poland Fish was an oceanographer who invented a new form of underwater sound detection for the navy. To perfect the technology, she spent years studying the sounds made by 300 different species that live in the sea. Her innovations allowed attack vessels to tell the difference between enemy submarines and schools of fish, thereby avoiding assaults on the fish. She's your role model for the coming week, Scorpio. May she inspire you to develop more foolproof methods for distinguishing between actual threats and the harmless influences that may superficially resemble them.
SAGITTARIUS(Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Here's the first thing you need to know about the current state of your destiny: "Everything is blooming most recklessly; if it were voices instead of colors, there would be an unbelievable shrieking into the heart of the night." That message comes to you from poet Rainer Maria Rilke. Here's the second piece of wisdom you should take with you everywhere you go. It's from Vladimir Nabokov: "For aren't you and I gods? Let all of life be an unfettered howl. Release life's rapture. Everything is blooming. Everything is flying. Everything is screaming. Laughter. Running."
CAPRICORN(Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Want to know a secret? I "predict" the present, not the future. In other words, I discern unconscious patterns and invisible influences that are affecting you now. I also try to inspire you to read your own mind so as to uncover feelings that you've been hiding from yourself. So I can't necessarily tell you what specific events will transpire in the coming days. But I do suspect the following things are true, although you may not be aware of them yet: You are in the midst of redefining what home means to you. You've been neglecting a deep need that's a bit embarrassing to you. And there's a place in your foundation that's in disrepair and requires your attention.
AQUARIUS(Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Opening for travel in 1926, Route 666 ran from Arizona through three other states. It became a problem for fundamentalist Christians, who got obsessed with the idea that 666 is an evil number associated with the devil. As their toxic delusions increasingly poisoned America's collective imagination, there was a growing outcry to rename the road. Finally, highway authorities gave in to the pressure and officially banished 666, turning it into Route 191 in Arizona and Route 491 elsewhere. This is an idiotically superstitious example of an otherwise sound principle that actually has merit: Altering the name of a person or thing can change the way it's perceived, and possibly even transform its essential nature. I bring this up, Aquarius, because now is an excellent time for you to use this principle to your advantage. What or whom would benefit from a renaming?
PISCES(Feb. 19-March 20): Please don't get sidetracked by the pursuit of minor dreams that would give you trivial satisfaction. And please talk yourself out of going after ephemeral rewards that would at best provide you with a false sense of accomplishment. Here's why this advice is even more important than usual: You have an intense but limited amount of driving ambition available to you at the moment, so you've got to make sure you use it on a project or projects that will still be meaningful to you a year from now.