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Fading Fire

Mistress Maeve: Your guide to love and lust...


Published August 22, 2012 at 7:54 a.m.

Dear Mistress,

My partner and I are hoping you can give us some tips on how to get our sex life back on track. We’ve been together for four years and are generally crazy for each other. When we’re having sex, it’s great. Lately, though, life has been a bit stressful, and we’ve gotten off track with lovemaking. We’re both ready, willing and able, we just thought you might be able to help us liven things up.


Fading Fire

Dear Fading Fire,

You have to stoke the fire to keep it burning, and I commend you and your partner for reaching out before your embers cool completely. Any number of things can reignite the passion between you. Here are a few suggestions:

Make out more. When you’re trying to spice things up, it can be easy to overlook the small things. Kissing builds intimacy and anticipation, two key ingredients in reviving your sex life. When was the last time you had a high-school-style make-out session with full-tongue action and groping over the clothes? Sometimes going back to first base can result in a home run.

Show and tell. If you’re out of practice with your partner’s body, why not start with your own? The next time you’re feeling frisky, try mutual masturbation. Touching yourself may seem counterintuitive when the goal is to touch each other, but it can be a powerful tool of reconnection. Performing for one another produces a vulnerability that is both erotic and enlightening. Getting reacquainted with your partner’s body from afar can bring you closer together.

Anywhere but the bedroom. When a couple is experiencing a dry spell, the bedroom can become a loaded place. Night after night with no hanky-panky can turn a love den into a desert of despair. So ditch the bed and get down to business elsewhere. When was the last time you hopped into the shower together or threw a blanket down under the stars? Shaking up your setting can shake out the cobwebs and rejuvenate your love life. Make a list of all the spots where you’ve been dying to do it and see how many you can get to before the summer is over.

In a long-term romance, there are times when the fire roars and times when it’s barely burning. As long as you’re both willing to tend the flames, your fire will never go out.

Striking the match,