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Drowning in the Dating Pool

Mistress Meave


Published March 5, 2008 at 7:08 a.m.

Dear Mistress Maeve,

I was wondering if you could provide me with some advice.

Please don't take offense to this, but it appears to me that most women are extremely shallow. Recently, my girlfriend of nine years left me, so I am back on the dating scene after almost 10 years. Needless to say, it's been difficult. I posted an ad on a personals website but haven't gotten any response. Perhaps I'm being too harsh on women, but it seems all they care about is whether or not you look like Brad Pitt. I don't think they care about your personality or sense of humor. I am starting to think I will end up single, 40 years old and living with my dog.

My question to you is: What should I do next? I don't like the whole bar scene. Any advice for someone like me?

Best regards,

Confused and Frustrated

Dear C and F,

First, let me commend you on your bravery. Getting back into the dating scene after a nine-year hiatus can be terrifying.

However, the dating pool seems to be drowning you. Online dating sites work great for some people, but not everyone. It sounds like you're a person who prefers to connect on a deeper level with a potential mate, and it can be difficult to do that online. Your best bet is to get out into your community and start making connections. Pick an activity you like and join a club - or perhaps volunteer for your favorite organization or political candidate. Meeting people while doing something that interests you means you'll already have something in common.

And do yourself a favor: When you do go on a first date, focus on the positive. Your date will not be impressed with your opinions about "shallow" women. (And, yes, I do take offense to your putting down my entire gender.) Remember - like attracts like. If you're looking for a good relationship, you need to cut out the bitter and angry routine. Negative people are ugly - positive people look more like Brad Pitt.

Positively yours,