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Dating in the New School

Mistress Maeve


Published September 3, 2008 at 4:35 p.m.

Dear Mistress Maeve,

I'm a single woman in my late fifties, hoping you can give me some guidance. While I haven't signed up for the popular dating sites, I have tried my luck on MySpace and now find myself baffled.

After some encouragement from my daughter, I messaged a single man who lives nearby. We wrote back and forth for a while, then exchanged phone numbers. He called me the following week, and we had a wonderful two-hour-long conversation where I felt a giddiness I hadn't felt since high school. He is very spiritual and said he felt we were "meant to meet."

However, the next message I received from him stated that something had come up in his life and that he wanted me to be "patient" while he worked some things out. Well, I waited a week, then messaged him back saying that I would like to know what's going on. It's been two days, and I haven't heard from him. I'm suspicious. What now?


Dating Neophyte


Dear D.N.,

First of all, kudos to you for getting back into the dating scene. The dating world can be difficult to navigate - add to that the vastness of the World Wide Web, and you're in some confusing terrain.

I'm not sure what your definition of "patience" is - but one week isn't very much time to "work some things out." You haven't even met this man in person yet, so it's unreasonable to expect he'll share all of his secrets with you: It's too early for that kind of intimacy. However, you also want to make sure he's not playing you like a fiddle. While you're waiting for him to get back to you, why not try some of those "popular dating sites"? No need to put all your eggs in one basket, as they say.

If he does come back with a good reason for blowing you off, let him know that, while you tolerated his buttoned-up lip this time, you'll expect better communication if your relationship grows.