Dear Mistress Maeve,

I don't think there's a tactful way to ask this question. Then again, you don't seem to mind tactless. When I'm sitting on my girlfriend's face (I'm a lesbian), I always stop short of orgasm because I feel like I might pee when I come. The pressure builds up, and as I'm about to come, I get the very distinct sensation that usually happens right before I pee.

Is this normal? Is it even possible to pee when I'm coming? I hope you can help me, because this is our favorite position, and it's so disappointing to stop short of the grand finale.

Signed,

Coming or Going?

Dear C or G,

You're right. I don't mind tactless, especially when we're talking about an issue that prohibits you from enjoying your favorite position.

Unlike men, who have a little on/off switch that prevents them from peeing during orgasm, women can urinate during sex. If you notice that you "leak" a little pee when you laugh, cough or exercise, you're more likely to leak in bed, too. This type of leakage is more common among older women and women who've had a baby. Women can reduce this type of incontinence by performing Kegel exercises (ask your doctor, or check my blog for a link).

If you don't experience leaks at other times, chances are you're just getting confused. When your partner's tongue is working your clit, it's nearly impossible for her not to stimulate your urethra, as they're located only about a fingertip's width apart. The pressure of her tongue combined with the pressure you create by "sitting" on her face is likely to make you feel the urge to pee, but it doesn't mean you will.

My advice is to urinate right before you have sex, then relax and let it flow (so to speak). Chances are you won't urinate, but a little pee never hurt anyone, anyway. You never know - the experience might be so hot that neither of you will know if you're coming or going.

Warm and wet,

MM

P.S. And always remember to urinate after sex - it will help keep those pesky urinary tract infections away.