I'm a thirtysomething woman living in Montpelier. I've been sleeping with this guy on and off for over a year - no strings attached. Ultimately, I'm just not interested in him in that way, plus he's made it clear he's not into a relationship with me.
I'm writing to you because he's now interested in this girl I know. I hate to admit it, but I'm finding myself a little jealous. What's more is that this girl and I have a good mutual friend in common, and we've recently been invited to the same small social gatherings - she nearly ended up at my house last week with our mutual friend, and that would have made me really uncomfortable.
I have two questions. First, is it normal for me to be jealous, even though I don't want a relationship with this guy? Second, how do I deal with this impending "friendship" with this girl, if we keep ending up at the same places?
Having casual sex in a small city like Montpelier is vastly more complicated than getting it on in a larger town. In a rural state like Vermont, you may be able to keep your emotions in check for a "no-strings-attached" affair, but you'll most likely still have to navigate seeing your ex-lovers in social situations - and that includes watching them move on to new relationships.
When you have a year-long relationship with someone, whether it is purely physical or not, you develop feelings; it's natural. Don't be too worried about your jealousy - just keep it in check. If you truly do not want a relationship with this guy, stop wasting your time worrying about whom he's seeing - channel that energy into worrying about your own life.
As for the girl, know your boundaries. You don't have to be B.F.F with her just because you have a mutual friend. Be classy and polite in public, but stop short of divulging your innermost secrets. Believe it or not, it is possible to keep acquaintances at arm's length - even in Vermont.