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Birthday Presence

Mistress Maeve: Your guide to love and lust...


Dear Mistress Maeve,

I've been seeing this guy for just a couple weeks, and I'm digging him (and I think he's digging me, too). I get butterflies when he texts me, and we had amazing sex on our fourth date. The only thing stressin' me is that his birthday is in five days, and I don't know what's appropriate - do I get him a gift? Do I ask him if he has plans? We haven't had any sort of conversation about where our relationship is going, so I don't want to get him a gift that makes him feel uncomfortable, like I think he's my boyfriend or something. At the same time, if he's feeling how I'm feeling, I don't want to disappoint him by not doing anything for his birthday. What do you think?


Birthday Presence

Dear Birthday Presence,

In the first weeks of dating someone, especially someone you really like, it can be difficult to strike a balance between expressing your amorous feelings and playing it cool. Adding a birthday to the mix just makes matters more complicated.

It's too soon to ask him to spend his birthday with you; he most likely has friends he'd like to spend his evening with, and he may feel it's too much to invite you along. Instead, if your budding relationship continues to intensify over the next few days, you might consider saying something like "I'm sure you have plans on your birthday, but can I take you out for a belated birthday brunch this weekend?" You'll show him that you honor his friend time, plus maybe he'll get the hint that you should wake up together prebrunch!

If you'd rather get him a gift, be careful. My suggestion is to go with something inexpensive, yet personal and thoughtful; an expensive present is way overboard for this stage of your relationship. For instance, you could bring back the classic "mix tape" by making him an iTunes collection of music you've discussed, or simply take a delicious cupcake along on your next date to celebrate his big day. Really, it's the thought that counts, so keep it sweet and simple.

Tied With a Bow,