I’m bisexual, but I didn’t admit it or act on any of my homosexual desires before getting married to a woman. She knows I’m bi now and is fine with it, as long as I’m monogamous. I love my wife, but it does bother me sometimes that I never tried out a gay relationship. Should I just ignore this feeling, or will it lead to disaster later on? She really does try to meet me halfway (gay porn, open dialogue about it). Am I being stupid worrying about what I haven’t gotten to try?
Dear Married Bi,
I have so many questions. You say your wife is “fine with it,” but how did that conversation go? Was she upset that you weren’t truthful before you got hitched? I, for one, would be pissed — not because I’m opposed to being in a long-term relationship with someone who’s bisexual, but because that information seems crucial to know before I do that whole “’til death do us part” thing.
I’m not going to sugarcoat this for you, Married Bi — I see troubled waters ahead if you continue to deny yourself. Some proponents of monogamy may strongly disagree with me, but I don’t think it’s healthy to suppress sexual desires — homosexual or otherwise — for the sake of your marriage. All that pent up desire will likely cause serious resentments in you and your partner, causing the “disaster” you reference in your letter.
All is not lost, Married Bi. I’m encouraged that you’re having open dialogue and negotiating gay porn with your lady. If your wife is accepting of your sexuality, perhaps she’d be amenable to an open relationship? Google “ethical non-monogamy” and do some research — it can be done, and it may be the only way for you to maintain your marriage in an honest, authentic way.
Bi the way,