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Ask Lola

The Love Counselor



Dear Lola,

I know this is going to sound weird and peculiar — maybe even sick — but the fact is, bad breath turns me on. There’s something just so intimate and earthy and, well interior about the rich, raw, rank, uncensored odor of a man’s mouth that makes me all squirmy and wet inside, while the sterile, air-freshener aromas left by most toothpastes and mouthwashes leave me cold. If I wanted to kiss a mint plant, I’d smooch with my houseplants. Is there something wrong with me, or is it the rest of the world?

Sniffing in South Burlington

Dear Sniffing,

In the realm of sexual arousal, one guy’s garbage pail is the next person’s pleasure dome. Why do you think armpit hair evolved? To trap the feral fragrances of our sweat, my dear, the better to attract a mate. Why do men rummage in women’s unwashed underwear? The nose knows. Your hots for halitosis is not a neurosis. Just make sure you keep your own toothbrush handy, in case the folks you encounter don’t share your erotic orientation.

Love Lola,

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