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Ask Lola

The Love Counselor


Published February 14, 2001 at 5:35 p.m.


Dear Lola,

Whenever my lover feels herself getting ready to orgasm, she always pushes me aside and finishes herself off on her own. She says it’s not me — she’s been following this pattern for years, with several different partners. The first time, I sort of enjoyed watching her, but after a while her solo climaxes just made me feel rejected. I’ve told her how I feel, and we’ve tried having me bring her to climax, but to no avail. Suggestions?

Left Out in Lyndonville

Dear Left Out,

Masturbation may be a many-splendored thing, but there’s a time and a place for everything. Your lover has fallen into a self-perpetuating pattern. The more often she brings herself to orgasm, the less able she is to relax and allow herself to respond to your touch. Orgasms are 90 percent mental, but the brain can be manually re-tuned. Next time you make love, ask her to use your hand as her sexual tool. Then you will no longer be left out, and she’ll be on the way towards weaning herself from self-stimulation.

Love, Lola