This week, the Liberty Counsel — renowned for promulgating such 17th-century ideas as its condemnation of Harry Potter books for promoting the practice of witchcraft — launched a new campaign for its hellfire-and-brimstone-fearing minions: The "Adopt a Liberal" program.
Ever since the first "Negro" couple moved into the White House in January, the Liberty Counsel — yes, they're affiliated with Falwell's Liberty University — has been apoplectic over the federal government's extreme leftward lurch into the realm of practicing homosexuals, sodomists, communists, vegans, baby killers, pot smokers, Volvo drivers, grandma eaters, and other practitioners of the black arts who wear cotton/polyester blends (Deut: 22:11) and stay up past 9 on Saturday nights.
The goal of the "Adopt a Liberal" program is to encourage all God-fearing, non-Papal Christians to choose from the LC's sandwich board of notable liberals and "pray earnestly and intensely for them!" The menu of prayer-worthy liberal elites includes Mayor of Sodom Michael Bloomberg, Secretary of Secularism Hillary Clinton, Congressional Queer Barney Frank and saucer-eyed baby killer Nancy Pelosi.
Remarkable about the list is the complete absence of ANY Vermont officials! What's the matter, Liberty Counsel, aren't Vermont's socialistic, hemp-adorned, Chubby Hubby-eating atheists not southpaw enough to be worthy of your prayers?
That said, those who wish to order an à la carte liberal can select "their own unique liberal" for inclusion on the list, and even nominate one or more for inclusion on their website.
What say you, Vermonters? Who among us shall make the Religious Right's exalted list of those most in dire need of God's everlasting love and kindness? Send us your nominations asap.