On behalf of the St. Michael's College community, thanks for sending some of your college reps by our campus one afternoon last week in a big fancy VitaminWater van to hand out free samples of your product. I still prefer good old fashioned normal water, and in fact I'll probably never spend any money on VitaminWater, but thanks for thinking of me and my dollar, at least.
And while I'm a little leery of letting commercial enterprises set up shop on campus to prey on our young, impressionable, loan-funded minds, I have a larger issue to pick with you. You see, that VitaminWater van has a hell of a potent soundsystem. And on this day, your college reps chose to use that sound system to blast the music of Eddie Money into the eardrums of all and sundry within a half-mile radius. Yes, Eddie Fucking Money.
This seemed like a questionable choice, from a marketing perspective. While you'd be correct in guessing that the majority of St. Mike's students listen to terrible music, their collective taste skews more towards O.A.R. and Dave Matthews Band than towards Top 40 stars of the late 70's and early 80's. Besides, when I'm leaving the academic quad on a weekday afternoon after a boring class that took much too long, I neither expect nor want to be berated by booming music...especially when that music is Eddie Money. Our relatively quiet campus green is something to be cherished, you know? And those poor kids in Joyce Hall — your speakers were pointed right at them. Not even first-years deserve such a fate.
So, while songs like "Two Tickets to Paradise" and "Take Me Home Tonight" are undoubtedly the cherished classics of SOMEONE's youth...they don't apply to us, much. The next time you roll onto our campus to hawk your enigmatically-named, radioactively-colored drinks, please keep the volume down. Or at the very least, pick better music. I hear Rick Astley goes over real well with the college kids.