Am I Just a Friend With Benefits? | Ask the Rev. | Seven Days | Vermont's Independent Voice

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Am I Just a Friend With Benefits?


Published November 30, 2022 at 10:00 a.m.
Updated November 30, 2022 at 11:19 a.m.

  • ID 117138220 © Valeriy Kachaev | Dreamstime

Dear Reverend,

I've been seeing a guy for most of this year, and we've gone on a lot of what I consider dates — out to eat, movies, shows, etc. We hang out. We cuddle. We have a lot of sex. The other day, however, he introduced me as his "friend," and I'm really confused.

Ina Frenzoni (female, 24)

Dear Ina Frenzoni,

Well, I certainly hope the two of you are friends if you're bangin' all the time.

Just kidding — but also not. We should all hope to be friends with our sexual partners.

It sounds like you're wondering whether you have inadvertently landed yourself in a friends-with-benefits situation. I feel like it depends on whom he was introducing you to: If it was his postal carrier, let it ride; if it was his parents, it's a little odd.

However, if you haven't discussed your relationship status with him, it's good that he didn't assume he could put a label on it. Or maybe he doesn't like labels. As any old Vermonter would tell you: It's hard sayin' not knowin'. It's time to find out what the skinny is.

Defining a relationship can be awkward, but nothing is more awkward than sticking your naked naughty bits together. You've already been doing that, so there's no need to be shy. Let him know you'd like to clarify where your relationship is going. You can reference the "friend" incident, but you don't have to. You can simply ask if it's OK to introduce him as your boyfriend; he should pick up on what you're putting down.

However it turns out, just thank your lucky stars that you don't have the reverse problem. Imagine if a guy you thought of as a friend introduced you as his girlfriend. Yikes.

Good luck and God bless,

The Reverend

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