Got Gnomes? | News | Seven Days | Vermont's Independent Voice


Got Gnomes?


Published January 17, 2011 at 1:52 p.m.

I'm hoping someone out there can clear up a little mystery for me.

On Saturday, while I was happily putting my half-price coupon for a mani/pedi at Mirror Mirror to use in downtown Burlington, someone stuck a little lime-green card under the windshield wiper on my car. (It looks yellow here, but whatever.) Spotting it upon my return, and thinking it might be yet another coupon to bolster someone's January-thin business, I snatched the card curiously.

But no. As you can see here, the paper depicted a little pointy-hatted, white-bearded (do they come any other way?) gnome leaning against what appears to be a cut tree trunk, with the imperative message "Don't Mess with Gnomes!"

Now, had I recently been messing with gnomes, I would have a considered this a sinister threat, and also wondered, Who knew I was messing with gnomes? But as I had long ago given up gnomes for ... um, sock monkeys, all I could think was: New local band? Great name!

Or, wait, was it an aptly tiny flyer for the upcoming movie Gnomeo and Juliet? I hoped not, cuz that film looks unbearable. (But in case you're interested, James McAvoy and Emily Blunt voice the star-crossed and inexplicably animated garden statuary. Sheesh.)

But I digress. The thought did also occur that "gnomes" are something sexual that I've never heard of, but I'm not going with that. Instead, I'd love it if someone could just help me out here. Hello?

Speaking of Blurt