Dear Mistress,

I’m wondering how to deal with past flings. Before I met my current boyfriend, I was involved in hookup relationships with a few men. They were casual affairs, often with lots of time in between. I haven’t heard from any of them in a while, but I’m afraid that one of them will text me something raunchy out of the blue and my boyfriend will see it. Should I be proactive and reach out to these guys from my past, or does that seem dramatic? Should I tell my boyfriend that I have old hookups out there with no real closure?

Signed,

Out With the Old

Dear O.W.T.O.,

I admire your willingness to be up front with both your boyfriend and your ex-lovers, but you need to chill. Everyone has a past, and occasionally the past comes knocking — but you don’t need to go looking for it.

Reaching out to your old hookups to announce that you’re now in a committed relationship is not only presumptuous, it’s obnoxious. You say you haven’t heard from any of them in a while, so why stir the pot? If you’re looking to minimize drama and limit interactions with these guys, don’t be the one to initiate contact.

Should one of your previous lovers give you a booty call, simply text him back and say, “I had a great time with you, but I’m in a relationship now, so I’m not interested. I wish you the best.”

As for your boyfriend, you’ve done nothing wrong, so why the inclination to fess up? I’m assuming he knows that you weren’t a virgin when you got together, so don’t over-explain your prior trysts. On the off chance one of these guys texts you a lewd message at the precise moment your boyfriend is looking at your phone, he should trust you enough to understand that ex-lovers sometimes come a-callin’.

If you want to make absolutely certain you don’t hear from these guys again, talk with your cell provider about how to block numbers. It’s a little extreme, but at least you’ll avoid any awkward text mishaps.

In with the new,

mm

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