Would It Be Bad to Peek at My Girlfriend's Texts to Her Ex? | Ask the Rev. | Seven Days | Vermont's Independent Voice

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Would It Be Bad to Peek at My Girlfriend's Texts to Her Ex?


Published August 12, 2020 at 10:00 a.m.

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Dear Reverend,

I accidentally saw that my girlfriend had been texting with her ex. I don't know what they were talking about, but it's been bothering me ever since. She doesn't have a password on her phone, and I'm tempted to sneak a peek to see what's up. I know I shouldn't, but I don't think I can help myself. Is that terrible?

Snoopy (genderfluid, 25)

Dear Snoopy,

I have a rule about this kind of thing. If you're looking where you shouldn't be looking and you see something you aren't supposed to see, it's your own damn fault and you should keep it to yourself. Lord knows that's easier said than done, and I've certainly not heeded my own advice on more than a few occasions — usually resulting in not the best outcome.

You should absolutely never snoop around on anyone's phone. Or computer. Or anything. Especially your partner's. Unless they're dead — and even then you might want to think twice. How would you feel if someone did that to you? Pretty stinky, right?

I'm a big fan of honesty. If the ex text is truly gnawing on your nerves, talk to your girlfriend about it. You don't want her to think you're a creepy sneak, so make it very clear that noticing the text was an accident. Also, don't go into the discussion assuming anything fishy is going on. Lots of people stay friendly with their old flames. I'd say the chances are good that they were discussing what they've been binge-watching and not scheming to break your heart.

Good luck and God bless,

The Reverend

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