Dear Mistress,

I am an active, passionate 49-year-old with a lot to offer that special someone. I have several interests, enjoy life and look for the good in everyone. I consider myself attractive, and others have told me the same. I have been on several dating sites. My dilemma is that when it comes to photos, I am not photogenic. Photos just don’t do me justice. I have tried posting a profile with and without a photo. I tend to get more response without the photo, as they are more interested in the substance of my profile. However, once I send a photo, the communication ends with no explanation. Looks are important, but they are not everything! How can I keep the conversation going beyond the photo and turn it into a first date?

Signed,

Discouraged

Dear D,

Being photogenic has nothing to do with one’s looks. I know classic beauties who can’t take a good photo and others who are greatly helped by the right camera angle and lighting. It’s a crapshoot, and when it comes to creating online dating profiles, it can cause a headache.

As online dating culture has evolved, photos have become all but mandatory — most sites now allow users to weed out profiles without photos in searches. I suggest putting some time and effort into snapping the right picture to post on your profile. Do you have a friend who’s handy with a camera? Ask him or her to help you out with a mini photo shoot — photographers are paid to find your good side, and all you need is one good shot.

If you don’t have any photographer friends, set up your own dating focus group. Gather a few of your most trusted friends and ask them to choose their favorite photo of you. Others can often see us more clearly than we can see ourselves, and your friends might pick a photo you would never dream of posting.

And remember, online dating is not the only way to meet people. If you feel you’re better in person, why not volunteer for an event or organization where you might meet other singles? You can also try a singles party. Seven Days hosts a variety of events where you can show your best side in person.

Say Cheese,

mm