Dear Mistress,

I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for a year. We are monogamous, and presumably most of our other lesbian friends are, too. However, when our group goes out on the town and the tequila shots start flowing, it generally turns into a no-holds-barred make-out fest. Our friends are all very flirty, and they view

French kissing as other people view handshakes - no big deal.

When my girlfriend and I first discussed our friends' loose lips, she was adamantly opposed to us making out with other people, saying it felt like cheating. I was sort of disappointed, because I think making out is harmless fun. So you can imagine my surprise when we were out last Saturday, and I turned around and saw her kissing a girl on her hockey team. At first I was excited and encouraged it, but then I got kind of pissed when we got home. Shouldn't we have talked about this again first?

Signed,

Lip Locked

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Dear Lip Locked,

You're right - if you and your girl previously decided not to participate in your friends' kissing circles, she should have initiated a talk with you before locking lips with her teammate.

However, you're now in a classic "don't cut your nose off to spite your face" situation. If you want to be able to slide lips with your friends on the dance floor, do not overreact to your partner's infraction. Approach her calmly and let her know how you're feeling about what happened. Explain to her that while you're willing - and even a little excited - to discuss kissing outside your relationship, you wish she had thought to run it by you beforehand.

If you decide to open your mouths to others, be sure to set parameters you're both comfortable with. Do both of you need to be present, or can this extracurricular kissing happen on a solo night out? Can you only make out with friends, or are strangers fair game? If jealousy issues come up, how will you deal with them?

And one more thing: Though kissing is relatively safe, it's not 100 percent benign. Be sure the girls you're smooching are worth the risks of mononucleosis, herpes and swine flu.

Kissed off,

MM