My Relationship Is Complicated. Should I Fight for It? | Ask the Rev. | Seven Days | Vermont's Independent Voice

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My Relationship Is Complicated. Should I Fight for It?


Published August 7, 2019 at 10:00 a.m.
Updated August 8, 2019 at 4:57 p.m.

I fell in love with this guy unexpectedly — like, I never imagined liking him. He likes me, too, and I can feel that he's sincere. But here's the problem: He has a child. I am stuck between letting him go because he has a child and I want him to be with the child's mother (BTW, they've broken up) and fighting for what we have. Help me, please. What should I do?

Fight or Flight? (female, 23)

Dear Fight or Flight,

I'm confused. The dude has already called it quits with the mother, and you say the two of you are diggin' each other. Why on Earth would you want to leave him in hopes that he'll get back with his ex when it's obvious that's not what he wants? That doesn't make any damn sense. Methinks there's more to the story.

Do you like kids? In particular, his kid? Are you cool with being with a man who has a child with, and therefore a lifelong connection to, another woman? It's totally understandable if that freaks you out, especially at your age. In your thirties and forties, that's a much more common dating conundrum, but it's never easy. If you've pondered having kids of your own with this man, are you worried about his track record as a father or partner? 

Also, what's the deal with this "unexpectedly" falling in love stuff? Is love ever expected? It sounds like you weren't particularly attracted to him in the first place, and all this kid hullaballoo is making you question your feelings.

You need to figure out your priorities. If you really do love this man, you should go for the gusto and be all in. If the Baby Mama baggage is too much for you to handle, it would be best for everyone involved if you tapped out now.

Good luck and God bless,

The Reverend

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