Dear Mistress,

Everything is great with a new man I’m seeing. I like hanging out with him, and the sex is pretty good. However, there’s one thing I would like some help on. The guy I was with previously was amazing with his hands. I used to have practically all of my orgasms from his fingers alone. My new guy is just not very good at it and he doesn’t seem interested in it. I can’t complain too much because he loves giving me oral, but I still find myself yearning for the fingering techniques of my old boyfriend. How do I get my boyfriend to step up his finger game?

Signed,

All Thumbs

Dear All Thumbs,

If you want your boyfriend’s fingers to do the talking, perhaps you just need to point it out (so to speak). Have you told your man how much you like a good finger bang? If he’s happy to please you orally, he’s probably just as happy to please you manually — but he’s not a mind reader, so be clear about your needs.

If you’ve communicated your digital desires and he’s still shying away, he may lack confidence in his fingering skills. In this case, it’s time for a tutorial. The next time you’re getting it on, guide his hand and communicate what you want. Let him know if you like it palm up or palm down, show him where your g-spot is and how you like it to be stimulated. These are all things he won’t know unless you tell him. Your last boyfriend’s technique may have innately meshed with your body, but that’s a rarity — most new partners need to be schooled in the art of pleasing you.

Whatever you do, don’t tell him how talented your ex was with his hands. You want your boyfriend focused on you in bed, not whether he measures up to your old flame. Communicate your desires with enthusiasm and positivity, and your beau will be finger friendly in no time.

Fingering it out,