Dear Mistress,

I need help. I’ve been married for 25 years. My husband is bisexual. Lately he spends hours on the computer talking to guys and discussing fantasies. In the meantime, I have to sit and watch. Then, when he’s done and it’s time for bed, he’s all turned on and I’m totally turned off. He claims he’s frustrated. Um, yeah, so am I! Any advice?

Signed,

So Tired

Dear ST,

Don’t fret. When you’ve been together as long as you have, you’re bound to have lulls in your love life. His bisexuality has nothing to do with it. The problem is that you and your husband are disconnected. While he’s having jock fantasies online, you’re stewing on the sidelines. It’s time to get in the game and put your heads together for a winning strategy.

He’s frustrated, you’re frustrated. When both partners are unhappy, it’s easy to stubbornly point fingers. Don’t do it. Instead, let your guard down. Have a heart-to-heart and let him know that you want to make your sex life a priority. There’s nothing wrong with your husband playing out his bi desires online, but he shouldn’t be doing it instead of sharing his fantasies with you. It’s unrealistic to think he’ll never go online to chat with other dudes, but ask that he doesn’t do so when you’re home and readily available. When he goes online with you around, it can feel like he’s choosing someone else over you. I don’t know many women who would feel good about that (let alone turned on and ready for sex).

Together, choose a night in the upcoming week to turn off technology and turn on the intimacy. You’ve been together a long time, and connection — not to the Internet — should be all you need to reignite the flame. No computer, no phone — the most technological you’re allowed to get is inserting his dongle into your USB port, if you know what I mean.

Downloading,

mm