Dear Mistress,

I have a newish boyfriend and am dumbfounded that, on occasion, he’d rather receive a hand job than a blow job. I’ve spoken to my male friends about this, and they all agree: Why would a guy want a boring hand job that he can administer himself, when he could be getting a kick-ass blow job? I’m not modest; I give great head, so this is really shocking to me.

Additionally, my boyfriend likes hand jobs with no lubrication. Why do some guys like it dry? I find handling his penis with no lube awkward, and I am worried I’m going to hurt him. Any tips?

Signed,

Blowing My Mind

Dear BMM,

Have you ever heard the saying “Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth?” I’m not suggesting you should be grateful to not give as many blow jobs, as I know giving oral can be just as exciting as receiving for some women. I am saying, however, that you should be grateful to have a partner who likes to mix things up. If variety is the spice of life, you’ve got a guy who is committed to keeping things interesting.

You’re confident about your oral skills, so perhaps your lack thereof with hand jobs is contributing to your poor attitude? My advice to you, BMM, is to embrace the hand job, so to speak. Make it your goal to become just as adept with your hands as you are with your mouth. As for dry versus lubed hand jobs, that’s like trying to describe someone’s preference for Coke over Pepsi — refreshment comes in many flavors. Talk with your man about hand jobs — ask him what he likes and how he likes it. If you really want to study up, ask him to masturbate for you and make note of his strokes and timing. With a little commitment, BMM, you’ll be handing him pleasure in no time.

Handsy,

mm