by Dan Bolles
In my column last week, I left you with a riddle: "What is red and white — like really, really white — has 16 arms and loves you?"
This week, I promised I would share the answer here on the blog today, as revealing said answer in print would violate the only real rule my eds have ever given me: not writing about projects with which I am involved … in the paper. Due to the wonders of Facebook, and the general closeness of life in a small community like Burlington, this almost feels anti-climactic. It seems there's already a decent buzz around the event in question. But a promise is a promise. So without further ado …
Q: What is red and white, has 16 arms and loves you?
A: The Ginger Snaps.
(smattering of applause and confused murmuring)
For more on this developing story, let's bust out an old-school FAQ, shall we?
Q: Um, OK. So, who, or what the hell are the Ginger Snaps?
A: So glad you asked! The Ginger Snaps are VTs finest/only all-redhead all-star band. They're playing their one and only show this Monday, Valentine's Day, at Club Metronome with Kyle the Rider and the Human Canvas.
Q: Wait … really?
Q: All redheads? Are there really enough of you to make up a whole band?
A: And then some. Though finding a drummer proved tricky.
Q: So, if you're involved, does that mean we've drastically lowered the bar on just what exactly qualifies as an "all-star"?
Q: Hold on a sec. O' Dea is bald, and Fredericks ain't a redhead.
A: That's not really a question, but I'll enlighten you anyway. Both O'Dea and Fredericks were gingers as kids. We have photographic proof. Once a ginger, always a ginger.
Q: Fair enough. So are you guys just doing Willie Nelson and Rick Astley covers?
A: Not at all! We actually have a set of about 12 original tunes, written by gingers, for gingers. Some titles include "Everybody Knows the Beach Fucking Sucks," "Does the Carpet Match the Drapes," "Little Red Haired Girl," "Fetish" and "Sunblock Cockblock." We'll also probably toss in a love song or three to satisfy Cupid's bloodlust.
Q: Hey, Neko Case is a redhead, right?
A: Sigh …
Q: This is wacky. Who's dumb idea was this?
A: That's open to debate. Though the specific origins are unclear, what is known is that the idea developed between Bob Wagner and myself over way too many beers at Radio Bean last fall. Max Schwartz, late of the Jazz Guys, is rumored to have been an instigator as well. I maintain it was all Bob's fault, er, idea.
Q: $1000 question: Are you guys any good?
A: We'll see. At the very least, it'll be an interesting show. Plus, there is the very real possibility that this gig will be our collective undoing in Burlington. Do you really want to miss that?
Q: Last question: What is the preferred nomenclature here? I mean, is it OK to use the term "ginger"?
A: Great question. Let's ask Tim Minchin: