by Dan Bolles
I have been waiting at least two years for someone to kick the crap out of Vampire Weekend. Finally, the Black Keys have obliged.
It's Grammy season. If you were unaware of this fact, it's most likely because the brain trust that bestows the awards, the National Academy of Recording Arts and Sciences, has grown comically irrelevant and out of touch. Still, someone has to choose who gets those shiny little gramophones each year. Might as well be someone like Stephen Colbert, right?
Last night, the host of "The Colbert Report" — and bonafide Grammy award winner — attempted to designate a champ for the "Best Alternative Music Album." Outlining the category's parameters, Colbert explained, "For the squares out there, 'alternative' refers to the under-the-radar, independent music that edgy, anti-establishment types can buy at Starbucks."
Colbert immediately dispatched with three of the five nominees: Band of Horses (Colbert prefers a band of humans); Broken Bells ("Get back to me when you fix your bells"); and Arcade Fire ("Those guys were on 'The Daily Show.' Fuck 'em.") That left two contestants, Vampire Weekend and the Black Keys.
Colbert suggested that a Grammy award is really more a tip of the hat for commercial success than a celebration of artistic achievement. But given slipping album sales in the midst of the industry's general decline, it's becoming trickier and trickier to designate any one one band's music as "the best" based solely on units moved. Colbert's solution: grant Grammys based on literal "commercial" success.
What followed was a "sell-out off" between the Black Keys and Vampire Weekend to determine which band had the best placement in TV commercials in 2010. It's hilarious. It's biting satire. And it ends with a good, old-fashioned street fight. Enjoy.
|The Colbert Report||Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c|
|MeTunes - Grammy Vote - Dan Auerbach, Patrick Carney & Ezra Koenig|