by Dan Bolles
As the "music dude" for the state's preeminent arts rag, I receive a lot of press releases. Like, a lot. For example, on a typical day, I'll usually have about 40 e-mails sitting in my inbox when I arrive in the morning. A full two-thirds are press releases. Of those, maybe half actually pertain to music Seven Days would cover. The ratio is similar over the course of a workday, in which I'll sift through about 100 more missives of varying relevance.
I do read just about everything that crosses my desk. Though I'll admit to quickly trashing some of the more obviously unrelated blurbs. However, every now and then, I stumble across releases that tickle my funny bone. Anyway, here is the latest batch of nominees for worst — or maybe best — PR writing of 2008. And yes, these are from real press releases.
In the category for Best Unintentionally Funny Use Of Quotation Marks: Kasey Chambers & Shane Nicholson
Kasey Chambers & Shane Nicholson Create One of the Best "Crisply Charming" Releases of the Year
The current frontrunner for Failure To Check In Which Language The Paper You Are Contacting Is Written: The Classic Rock Experience
Partez en voyage dans le temps pour revivre la magie des années 70 et 80 ou expérimentez-la pour la première fois. The Classic Rock Experience rejoint les générations, comme la musique qui traverse le temps. Vous n’avez plus à regretter d’avoir manqué ces concerts… vous pouvez maintenant y assister. C’est le spectacle ultime pour le fan de rock classique !
Here we have a double nominee for Best Use Of Unnecessary Capitalization/Exclamation and also Best Writing By An Obviously High Intern (Reggae Version): Sharon Jones-Ticklah Remix "How Long Do I Have to Wait for You" (Reggae Version)
This reggae version of a Dap-Kings' favorite is really TERRIFIC! Reggae mastermind TICKLAH (AKA Victor Axelrod, AKA Earl Maxton) has re-cast Sharon's vocals to the beat of his own drum, and it feels So Right!
He's taken the original raw tracks from the Dap-Kings' "Naturally" sessions down to his basement laboratory and put some of his Classic-Reggae-Evil-Genius shit all over it. Oh, he played it all on this one: drums, bass, echo-plex. He's got his hooks hitched, his pockets stitched, his mind switched, and this mix is fixed! It's RAW. It's HEAVY. It's RIGHT NOW. So spark that doobie and put your red, black, and green beanie on your turntable, cause this record is going On Your Head!
And finally, the nominee for Innovation In The Field - Misleading Use Of MySpace: Bleeding Through, for their new album Declaration
And best of all, the fans are responding very positively. Here is a small sampling of some of the comments on the band's MySpace page:
"'Death Anxiety! I'm murdering this song! I've played it to death! LOL"
"New album is punishing. I love it! And as always, it's lyrically amazing."
"It's good to see musicians finding their own style... Blackmetalcore!"
"Can't take it out of my CD player!"
"I thought you were gonna go down the more melodic route but I bought it anyway and I was blown away!"
"I can't stop laughing from how amazing this album sounds"
"Sister Charlatan and Death Anxiety. Wow."
"Declaration is by far the top metal CD in the world!!!!!"
Best of luck to all of this year's nominees. Keep up THE "good" WORK!