I was at the gym the other morning — you know, running my butt off on the elliptical and catching up on my back issues of People magazine — when I stumbled across an interesting tidbit. Apparently, Winona Ryder and Blake Sennett (of both Rilo Kiley AND Salute Your Shorts fame) are no longer a couple.
Really? Winona dated, and broke up with, another indie rocker? Shocking.
In case you don't follow celebrity gossip as closely as I do, Ryder's exes include Conor Oberst, Pete Yorn, Jack White, Ryan Adams, Beck and David Grohl. Among others. Many, many others.
I feel for these men. Back in college I dated a good-for-nothing guy named Ethan _____, who at first seemed perfect and each and every way. The summer after we graduated, a girl pulled me aside in my hometown bar.
"Hey, you dated Ethan _____, didn't you?" She asked.
"Um, yes," I admitted, curious as to why she wanted to bring it up.
"Don't worry," she told me, "I fell for it, too."
That is how I imagine all conversations between the members of the "Winona Ryder broke my heart" club. You know, like when they run into each other backstage at Coachella, or whatever.
Alright, that's enough catty celebrity gossip for now. On with the show.