by Dan Bolles
Sweet merciful crap! I got hacked. Well not me, per se. But my MySpace page. I feel so . . . violated.
Apparently, someone or something cracked my password and has been sending weird messages and bulletins to all of my "friends" with links to — drum roll, please — adult websites! Awesome. Nothing like being a semi-public figure and having your name attached to porn. Guess I won't be running for office any time soon. No Obama-Bolles ticket in '08. Sorry, folks.
In case we're not MySpace buddies, the posts looked a little something like this (minus the web address):
All of our friends should know about this...
Kardashian did an video before Keeping up w/ the Kardasians
This is the only place you can see it for free
If you can not click on the address
myspace can be really gay sometimes
type it in, trust me it is worth it!
you need to be 18 and have a visa or mastercard
other videos are also there.
I'm no Hemingway, but come the fuck on! "Did an video?" "Can not click?" "Myspace can be really gay?" Do you mean that MySpace is really happy and fun? Or do you mean that . . . ohhhh, I get it. You're a moron.
I know the socially inept virgins who devote their time to devising these sort of hacks and cracks rarely leave the dingy confines of their parents' basement and can't be bothered with the finer subtleties of the English language. And I'm sure the half-wit who devised this particular gem didn't know he was hacking someone who writes for a fucking living — it's far more likely this is a generic hack than a specifically targeted hit. But if you're going to try and pose as someone's friend — especially a friend pimping a porn site — wouldn't you at least make an attempt to sound believable? I know third graders with a better grasp of grammar.
In any event, thanks to those who brought this to my attention. I actually hardly use my MySpace page anymore — I'm all about Facebook now, mostly because Scrabulous rocks! — so who knows how long this bullshit could have gone on?
So in closing, the lesson of the day is update your passwords regularly.
Speaking of videos, here's one from local metal chaps — and I do mean "chaps" — Amadis, filmed by Jeff Howlett of Howlerman Productions. It ain't porn. But it's close.