In the past few years Vermont has seen  Parenting 101: The Musical ("for anyone who's ever been a parent or had a parent') and Menopause: The Musical ("the hilarious celebration of women and The Change"). Last week, we heard from the Barre Opera House that a touring production of Assisted Living: The Musical  this way cometh. Yes, really. Think an eccentric cast of coots at the Pelican Roost. Then, of course, there's Urinetown: The Musical (starting this week at UVM).

And speaking of coming, today the Flynn Center for the Performing Arts in Burlington exclaimed the triumphant return of 50 Shades! The Musical ("a sexy, hysterical musical romp").

Which of course got us peeps here at Seven Days thinking about our own wacky, LOL romps. Only we don't have time to write musicals, so we just took a few minutes on a busy production day to spew a bunch of titles and tag lines. Naturally, we just have to share. Be warned, though, that some of the following are un-PC and likely to offend ... someone.



Here's a sampling:

Drug Addiction: The Musical — “Shot up with trippy near-death experiences! It’ll leave you wanting more!”

Viagra Monologues: The Musical — "The Centrum Silver set comes clean about getting up — or not!" 

Hip and Hipster: The Musical — "An unemployed twentysomething rocker moves in with his elderly dad, who's fallen and can't get up. Or get down!" 

Potty Training The Musical — "Pooh-pooh-pee-do!"

Driver's Ed: The Musical - "White-knuckle excitement set to your favorite road tunes!"

Heady Topper: The Musical — "Tickets on sale at select locations nobody will tell you about" 

Vermont Health Connect: the Musical — "Spend two hours at the edge of your seat, only to be disconnected" 


Shummy: the Musical — "Vermont's smooth political crooner tells tales that will send you running for the shower"

Colonoscopy: The Musical — "The inside scoop!"

Hospice: The Musical —  "You'll laugh, you'll cry, 'cause we all die"



Hipsters, the Musical — "Skinny jeans never looked so good"

Locavores, the Musical — "A farm-to-stage theatrical romp"

Retweet: #TheMusical — "One millennial's efforts to engage with her favorite brand — but will she ever get followed back?"

Small Town Cops: The Musical — "Can't beat it with a nightstick!"

C-Sections: The Musical — "A hilarious slice of life in the OR"

One exuberant 7dazer went to town on titles but skipped the tag lines:

Hypoglycemia: The Musical!
Detached Retina: The Musical!
Lost Luggage: The Musical!
Kitty Litter: The Musical!
Office Supplies: The Musical!
Parking Tickets: The Musical!

And this guy clearly needs to see Assisted Living:

Jersey Geezers
The Best Little Nursing Home in Texas
The Diaper King
Ain't Cogitatin'
Fiddler on Life Support

Don't judge us, just come up with your own! It's a hilarious romp!