Dear Athena,

I want to have a threesome with my wife. How can I convince her?

Signed,

Just a Guy

Dear Just a Guy,

Throw me a bone, man — you're not giving me much to go on here. Like, what's your sweetheart into? Is she the adventurous type? Does she have a jealous streak? Have you brought it up with her yet? If so, what was her reaction? Horrified? Intrigued? Confused? I'm assuming you want to invite over another woman. Because, if not, I have one more important question for you: How would you feel if the tables were turned?

Say your wife agrees to this sexual experiment but only if you agree to try it out with a dude next time. I mean, if you're lucky enough to live out your version of the fantasy, are you willing to try it her way? And if your answer would be no, don't bother asking her. You can enjoy playing the fantasy repeatedly in your head, 'cause that's where it belongs if you can't return the favor.

Chances are your partner has had some titillating fantasies of her own that she hasn't had the nerve to share with you yet, so go ahead and ask her. You guys are married, after all — I hope you have some idea of how to approach her by now. But even strong couples can harbor secret desires. Here's some advice:

Most people who aren't initially into the idea of a threesome are likely to feel threatened by the request. So, communication is paramount here. You must do your absolute best to express that this fantasy isn't about her being replaced or rejected. Never make her feel that she's not doing it for you in some way (unless that's the case; if so, hit me up for advice on that another time). You must convince her that this proposed ménage à trois is meant to spice up your preexisting amazingness. If she is prone to jealousy, there can be no inkling of competition. This must be a shared experience. And, of course, it would be up to both of you to vet and invite your guest. You must also establish the terms of the arrangement together.

Even if you pull this off and all goes well, I wouldn't make it a habit. Call me old-fashioned, but the idea of monogamy gets a little watered-down when a third party mingles in the marriage every other weekend. It could become a crutch — a replacement for your own exploration as a couple. So, if you find you're wanting to book threesomes on the regs, I'd suggest revisiting why you two got together in the first place. Have fun, and good luck!

Yours,

Athena