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Girlfriend Just Wants to Be Friends

Mistress Maeve: Your guide to love and lust...



Dear fans of MM:

We have good news and bad news. The latter is that, after many years dispensing advice to Seven Days readers, Mistress Maeve is moving on. She’s sad to leave us, and you, behind, but she’s making her way up the career ladder. It would not surprise us to someday find her advising, say, the president of the United States. Or, for that matter, being the POTUS.

But not to worry, all you lovelorn, relationship-challenged and sexually curious dears, we’ve found another wise woman to assume the adviser’s mantle. Here’s how she asked us to introduce her:

Hello! My name is Athena. I am a third-generation matchmaker, vagabond, love goddess and sexplorer, and I am here for you.

Got a question you can’t spill even to your closest friend? Got carnal queries or insecurities? What’s got you wild, mad, sad or utterly perplexed? Go ahead — just ask Athena.

Ask Athena will begin next week, February 5. Meantime, enjoy Mistress Maeve’s final column and, as always, heed her words.


Dear Mistress Maeve,

My girlfriend of three and a half years “broke up” with me, but she wants to be friends and “work on things.” That was two weeks ago, and we still talk and text many times a day, and we still have lots of sex — and she says she won’t have any physical relations with anyone else.

I’m confused. I don’t want to move on, but I’m not thrilled with being demoted. Thoughts?


Waiting for a Promotion

Dear Waiting,

This is a classic case of someone having her cake and eating it, too — and she will continue to gorge until you put an end to this nonsense. Your “girlfriend” or “friend,” or whatever she calls herself now, wants many of the benefits of the committed relationship you used to have without having to own up to being the girlfriend of anyone. So you have her now, but you don’t have her; and your use of “demotion” suggests you are none too pleased.

However, because you don’t want to move on and have not set any boundaries, she is able to get whatever she wants from you. What does she want to work out and why couldn’t she do that within the context of your relationship? You say she does not want physical relations with anyone else, but it doesn’t seem she actually knows what she really wants.

This is where you come in: Tell her what you want. Set those boundaries. If you don’t want to be demoted, then tell her. It could be painful. She might not give you the response you want, but maybe that’s OK. You deserve to be in a relationship with someone who wants to be with you in the streets as well as the sheets. If she can’t share her cake with you, perhaps it’s time to switch to pie.

With a cherry on top,


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